


Someone Just As Kind

by softspots



Category: Black Panther (2018), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, WinterPrincess - Fandom
Genre: A special middle finger to Hydra you inconsiderate asshole, AU, Aged-up Shuri, Characters may seem OOC but this is how I reinvented them, F/M, I wrote this instead of studying, Mild Language, Multiple Implied/Referenced Character Death, Mutual Pining, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Post-Black Panther (2018), Shuri is 25, Tears, mature cause of language, winterprincess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-19
Updated: 2018-05-22
Packaged: 2019-05-09 00:45:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14705925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/softspots/pseuds/softspots
Summary: Even though Bucky is all healed up, his heart may never recover from everything he's seen.... Shuri takes a leap of faith and sacrifices herself as a martyr for their unconfessed love leaving Bucky all by himself left to his gloomy loathing self.





	1. 404... feelings found in a martyr's sacrifice

**Author's Note:**

> Searching for a Feeling by Thirdstory fits this Trope. So if you'd like to know how I got the Inso, play it while you read.
> 
> Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YfAcDsPdstM  
> Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/track/1vCYzot82o2olcOiRZcIuG?si=KuczwVg5Qpyr_nbkXk9D6g
> 
> Enjoy.

5 years.

 

5 years too long.

 

 

But he thinks that maybe it was for the better that she left. When Bucky heard the news that the Princess was leaving for Oakland, his heart both sank and floated. Whichever of the two described it better, it didn’t help that the girl he was pining after, was better off without him. Especially since he knows that all he’s ever been to the Princess was weight.

 

 

_Grave… dead weight._

 

_A burden._

_Just dragging on to the last inch of light offered to him._

_So he uses her as a warning sign._

 

She had a future ahead of her and the last thing Bucky wanted was for Shuri to miss out on anything that was deemed normal for a 20 year old. Because that’s what he would’ve wanted when he was 20. A flaming dent of desperation picks at the back of his mind, longing to take back the time when anything and everything was denied from him that Hydra and the war took. Only one of the sole reasons he was glad that Shuri left. She can go have a drink, go to Coachella, get drunk, make mistakes, make out with a boy her age, become anything she wants to be… except tied to an old broken white boy. He could not forgive himself if he was one of the reasons she didn’t get to live her life. But she is also a princess, so maybe he was overthinking... but he couldn't bring himself to care.

 

Reason number two was … he was simply too old for her. He could never betray his King and now brother, repaying the forgiveness he gave, bringing him to Wakanda to heal,by falling for his sister.

 

The other reason… he was simply enamoured by her. He admired her strength, her light, her capacity to be so full of life yet giving. So, by the time he tried to rule it out and avoid it becoming anything more, there was already a yearning that rooted in his heart for the brilliant Princess.

 

If only he had stayed in the ice a little longer.

 

If only he met the Princess a little later in her life.

 

Maybe then he wouldn’t have a nagging tug at his heart, that an old man could be loved by a young princess. At times, he feels disgusted and overcome with absolute self loathe for feeling this way towards a young woman. He feels pathetic at times, that he could ever have a chance at love again. At life. At peace.

 

Would he ever find these things again?

 

Would he ever get to feel peace at his front door?

 

It has always been war. In his head.

 

In his life and in his heart.

 

 

 

Until her.

 

 

 

Especially ever since he met her. Nothing but war has been present at the forefront of his mind and at the roof of his heart. Nothing else could quench his desire for the princess and often he couldn’t help himself when he would pick at the chance that maybe he did deserve love after all these years. Alas, he will never be enough for the Princess.

 

 

He always itched to ask the King how the Princess was doing back in Oakland. He had questions, but not enough strength to ask them. He recalls a time when T’Challa asked him in curiosity whether Bucky had ever thought of dating. But he denied him and said that he only had eyes for one lady and even then, it was too complicated to pursue her. He never knew that the Queen Mother’s calculated gaze as he replied, held much more than just a watchful eye.

 

 

She knew. The Queen Mother knew of the Princess’ feelings towards the White Wolf. Why else did she allow Shuri to leave. She witnessed her daughter go through enough pain, wondering and questioning her mother if she could have a chance at a life with the White Wolf, especially when they both knew what it would cost.

 

She was a Princess.

 

He... a fugitive.

 

She was royalty.

 

He... conformed to nothing but a vessel for war.

 

 

How could anything work between them… There was nothing the Queen Mother could do to relieve her daughters pain, but her advice was heeded by the Princess.

 

 

So, she leaves.

 

 

So, he thinks… He is better off as a glass seat in a home. Someone who is used to neglect the welfare of others. Easily breakable, but painfully neglectful. He had Steve yes. Not to mention Sam. But he never knew love like the kind he held for the Princess.

 

 

But it’s been 5 long years since then.

 

 

He gets to see her today.

 

 

After a long recovery, countless upgrades and improvements, Bucky feels less shallow enough to go back to America. Still, there was a feeling of anticipation that made him wonder if he could handle seeing her again. Though he always wondered what it’d be like if he ever went back to America, when he’s already deemed Wakanda home. Nostalgia floods him when wistfully, he recalls a memory spent with the Princess.

 

_“Do you feel anything?” she asked. Hope painted like Picasso on her face._

_He flexed his arms and almost scared himself half to death at the new sensation in his new arm. He could feel the cold and somehow, he doesn’t know how she did it, or how his brain even pictured it… but he felt goose bumps… in his metal arm._

_He looked up at Shuri with stricken wonder and she, wide eyed and in a trance, exclaimed with praise, “Oh great Bast I did it!” He caught himself from smiling at the scene before him as he started to feel a brewing sensation of want in his veins. It scared him how much love and compassion he had for the Princess, because he knows it couldn't go anywhere further than being a friend. So, he shook himself from his state of stupor and starved his need to hold the Princess in his arms._

_“Bucky I did it!” She pranced around in her lab with her hands taught in a fist raised above her head as he looks on with nothing but pure appreciation for the acclaimed woman._

_“Bucky! We did it.” She praised as she pulled herself into a dancing frenzy. For months on end he had seen the Princess completely overwhelmed with nothing but determination and finally he sees why._

_She gave him a chance to feel again._

_The Princess rambles on about the design and some other anatomical terms, something about sensory receptors in his brain._

_He stares into the abyss of absolute resolution and fear for his weighted feelings for the Princess._

_She made him feel again._

_She made him feel again._

_She just fucking made him feel again._

_In every sense of the word._

He could feel again.


	2. So I'm Telling Myself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe someday... he can learn to love like her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Italic text in elipsis 
> 
> ... italic text.... -> are lyrics from Only Love by Thirdstory.
> 
> (If you can' tell yet I love Thirdstory haha!)
> 
>  
> 
> Other than that... Enjoy.

**Chapter 2 – Someone Just as Kind**

 

 

There was a distance between them now. The two Dora’s retreat out of the lab and the two figures are left in the room. Like two kings on a chess board left alone with no escape so they checkmate. He looks around and notices little touches of Wakanda on the industrial brick walls, with simple and complex holograms, sketches skewed about on almost every table and on the screens. The desks are littered with small vibranium items mimicking drawn up improvements in their minuscule forms and other personal items that gave indication of any colour to the highly tech’ed out room.

 

 

“You look good,” she says breaking the silence.

 

 

 _It’s true_ , she thinks. His hair is cut shorter, the beard, still present on his face from 5 years ago, his skin is clearer, his hair shinier, his form fits right into the shirt he was sporting and obviously in a better fashion sense than his usual robes and sandals. All threaded up in simple common clothing and yet he still manages to look done up. She lingers at the ripple of his taut chest while she tries to pull her racy thoughts to the back of her mind even though it didn’t help that every visionary input sent to her brain occupied the same spot. _Not now Shuri._

 

 

The stilled moment between them served a stark contrast from the times they spent together. There would always be laughter and bellowing expressions of memes (usually by Shuri more than him) and inside jokes between them that coloured their friendship before they parted from each other… well it was her, really, she was the one who left… and with no communication or contact. At all. An ache bubbles in her heart at the reflection and she shakes herself awake from the constant self-loathe. She knows why she did it… and that’s about the only thing that’s keeping her from bending over in lamentation.

 

 

“So, you say…”, he chuckles and bends his head down feeling bashful.

 

“Thank you,” he says after a pause, as a sombre expression pans over his comely complexion.

 

 

“You…,” he begins before taking a deep breath and looks up from his fidgeting hands with no purpose to hold or grasp anything, except … purpose to hold the Princess, “you’re all grown up.”

 

 

 _She really has_ , he ponders. Her hair all pressed up in a bun, he even notices that its not in its natural interwoven braids, her form all pressed up in a business white shirt with her collarbones just peeking through the small opening and her long legs all laid up in black high waisted pants. He almost lets his thoughts wander to imagining her long legs all bare, but he quickly dissolves it. _Get it together punk._

 

“That’s usually what humans do,” she teases. There she is. There, she finally emerges. He lets out a snicker at her comeback and continues to take one long look at the figure before him.

 

He couldn’t help but notice that she’s a lot more reserved now. There’s a maturity to her that obviously came with the years. He watches her as she moves to a nearby table and goes to fiddle with whatever crowded the desk, a useless piece of post-it note on the nearest screen, obviously searching for something to make the atmosphere less …stroppy.

 

 

“What you been doing this past 5 years?” he asks. Because he really doesn’t know. Because he really wants to know. He couldn’t contact her, there was nothing he could use.  He was useless with emails and in complete surrender in embracing a life free from all the gadgets and tech.

 

 

She makes a shrug expression and purses her lips before barely, but suavely replying, “Work.”

 

 

He nods to himself and fixes a gaze to a wall, or rather anything to keep from glancing at the Princess, especially when all he wants to do is gather her in his arms and hold her forever till time ends. His lungs squeeze in response to his thought and he lets out a heavy sigh. Shuri notices the heavy weight that seems to have grabbed the room and decides to move closer to the sombre looking man.

 

 

“I knew it,” she says with a break in her pain filled voice. There was no way her mother could ever keep from her, that the very man she gave her heart to, loved her in return. Of course, he never knew it, he never got the chance nor the choice of hearing it, or feeling it… too soon it was taken away. Whatever the circumstances… maybe he didn’t love her anymore… maybe he found someone else, and if these were true, Shuri knows deep into the crevices of her heart, she will never regret it. But if she were asked to do it again? … It would be a hard pass.

 

The same recurring thoughts rushed heavily in Bucky. All those 5 years she was gone he wondered if she found somebody… somebody worthy of her affection. Somebody worthy of her time. Somebody worthy of her kindness. Somebody who wasn’t as shallow. Someone who could give and return every ounce of love and light that she hopelessly poured out.

 

The long pause stretched within a mile of eternity, but all Bucky could hear was the never ending reminder of who he was, or rather, who he is and who he will always be…

 

_Never enough… Will he always feel like he is never enough. He wasn’t enough for Steve, he wasn’t enough to be the friend that he was, he wasn’t enough for the acclaimed assassin who stole his first glance into love… will he ever be enough, he wonders._

 

“Bucky I loved you.”

 

His heart hammers into his back as he is struck with the princess’s confession.

“Stop.” His glare focuses to a spot next to her shoe.

 

 

“Bucky! I loved you!”

 

 

“You don’t get to do this Shuri. Stop!” he demands.

 

“Don’t tell me what to d-“ she responds cooly before he cuts her, “You don’t get to leave for 5 years and stand there and tell me you loved me.”

 

 

“Then explain it to me! Cause I don’t understand.”

 

A long pause stretches between them and finally, he looks up, her eyes a focal point.

 

“I’m still fucked up Shuri,” he reminds himself…. In return, voicing it to her.

 

A sense of surprise and shock enraptures her form as she retreats back in defence.

 

“Don’t say that! You’re healed up now-“she goes to move closer to him before he puts his hands up against his chest towards her in a desperate means of protection. He finds himself thinking… _I would rather go back to Hydra then experience this lowest form of agony if Shuri were to break my heart._

 

“No! Just- just listen. Please hear me out.” She stops in her pace about a few metres away from him, anticipating whatever he has to say.

 

 

“I’m glad you left,” he declares.

 

The creases on her forehead deepens and in a flicker of a moment she feels anger brew up within her.

 

“Shuri, how does anyone expect to stay after seeing what I’ve done or what they’ve done to m- “

 

“But it doesn’t matte- “she cuts in, but he looks up to her face in frustration and bellows, “Woman! Shut up and let me talk. Can you give me that please? Just one more thing for you to do for me, if you’re not fixing me up or anything else, … Just listen.”

 

 

She calms down, releases a defeated sigh in resolve and simply closes her eyes with a nod. She might never understand why or how he will always retreat into his corner anytime she reminds him or try to console him or even tell him for the sake of saying something, that he is… he is ok now.

 

 

“Shuri I’ve seen things, I’ve done things, I’ve felt dark things and none of it is human to me… To anyone and no matter how advanced you or anyone can try to fix me up, you can’t fix-,” he pauses for a moment, defeated and puts a hand on his heart. He looks to the floor below him and tries his hardest to hold onto it, keep his ground, keep his stance… protect his heart as his body weakens with a sigh.

 

 

“You can’t fix this Shuri…,” he finally admits, “At least not with your gadgets. You can’t fix feelings with gadgets Shuri. You can try, hell, I’d do anything for you… but I’ll always feel like this.”

 

“Don’t praise me, don’t- don’t put me on a pedestal, I don’t deserve it. I’m all messed up still Shur. You cleared the triggers and everything else Hydra might’ve done to me… But after 5 long years, I’m only starting to learn how to feel again,” he stammers with evident ache in his voice as he holds his hands atop where his heart lays, tears threatening to release from his eyes. He finally looks up to her face and is taken back by the tears streaking her beautiful complexion.

 

She understands it now. She gets it now. “ _Fuck why didn’t I think of this_ …” she mentally chides. Leaving, only made it worse.  _I should’ve never left Wakanda…_ _I should never have left you my love…_

 

“Bucky I love you still.” She takes a step towards him and he takes one back and closes his eyes in helpless desperation as tears traitorously stream his face.

 

“Bucky, love doesn’t count any wrongs.”

 

He proceeds to deny her proclamation, shaking his head in all his might, he tries to deny it… but she is relentless.

 

She takes another step towards her. So does he, but backwards.

 

“Bucky, love forgives,” her voice giving in, yet she is strong in her pursuit.

 

“Bucky, love sacrifices.” She takes another. He hesitates.

 

“Bucky!” she calls out, “Bucky I’m…” she pauses….

 

“I’m so sorry,” she whispers, tears too overwhelming they escape down her neck staining her crisp white shirt.

 

“Will you please forgive me?” she sniffles, in complete agony, defeated before him.

 

He looks to her eyes and finds resolution. He finds absolute peace with her. He finds life. He finds love. But his mind, now fills with endless possibilities of any real reason of why she left.

 

 

_…Now I know I’m afraid to be broken…_

 

 

 

He remembers the day as if it happened moments before this.

 

_“Where’s the Princess?” he asked upon feeling her empty presence in the lab._

_“Already on her way to Oakland White Wolf,” one of the workers retorted._

_He freezes like a deer in headlights and turns towards the window just in time to see the plane disappear along with his heart._

_She was gone before he wanted to say goodbye._

_She was gone before he wanted to see her one last time._

Her heart falls into her hands as she offers her heart and her soul to the only man she deems worthy and hopes in return, that he reciprocates. _I will never know if I don’t try._

 

 

_…But my feelings for you stay the same…_

 

 

“Kiss me.” she shyly shudders. Maybe she didn’t deserve to be asking for it… especially when its so out of line but then she thinks… _Fuck it, I don’t care anymore._

 

His eyes flutter in shock and he sits reflectively on the desk behind him while saying, “You deserve someone else, not me.”

 

“Kiss me and let me decide.” She looks at him with sheer tenacity as she reaches a hand to his face.

 

His eyes shut at the feel of her warmth and he almost voices a whimper deep in his throat as his breath gives in. He grabs her hand from his face and holds it with both hands as he looks up to her once more.

 

He understands a little bit more now. That regardless of whatever he may have faced or seen, these records aren’t recorded every time she looks at him. The only war now is believing if he’s really worth the affection of the King’s sister. The only war now is within himself. He senses the battle within her as well, sensing her lower her head and he reaches up with one hand to carefully wipe at a fallen tear from her chin. Never has he ever seen the Princess in such a state. She was always poised, elegant yet dauntless, kind yet unforgiving when crossed, she was like a breath of fresh air that would soon choke up in his throat if he breathes in too much. So she reaches his face again with her other hand, and gently caresses his cheek, as dried streaks of tears stain her thumb.

 

“How?” he voices, barely whispering as she feels every sensory receptor on her lips awaken from the breath he gives, barely teasing her lips.

 

“How can you still… still see me like that?”

 

She coils her fingers around his hands and her heart almost gives way to the feeling of his hands in hers. Let alone feeling his body against hers nor feeling his face underneath her touch.

 

 

“Because despite of all the bad you did, you were kind to others when no one else was,” she replies. She still remembers the one small moment of humanity she spotted in Bucky even after all the vile ‘tests’ and ‘procedures’ they tried on him.

 

 

“ _Du nutzlose Hure!“ a voice cried from the far corner of the screen that  Shuri was viewing._

_She was on her third report of the “The Winter Soldier” file and she wanted to access all the records that may have existed. All the tests. All the stupid, stupid tests they put Bucky through. To which she always detested and mindfully cursed, “Fuck you Hydra”._

_At night she sometimes hears the deafening scream of the wounded soldier as they jarred more and more serums into his lethargic body. But she is stronger now. Ever since the death of her late father,the trauma of witnessing her brother thrown from the cliff, the tragic events of the war on Titan and the Wakandan lives it took, she’s had time to pour it out and receive healing._

_She pulls the video up to walk through the hologram just to make sure she saw everything and suddenly behind her, a woman yelped in pain as she was thrown carelessly to the ground. She watches as the unnamed woman curved in on herself, on the muddy dirt, crying and naked as a man strikes a kick to her side. Her mouth opens in shock as she sees the woman get dragged and mulled into the dirt in her bare state. Anger stirred deeply into her veins at the scene before her and what had broken Shuri was that she couldn’t do anything about it. She reminded herself that it was just a hologram but it didn’t take away the fact that it was real. Whoever that man was, deserved the lowest most painful of punishments her mind could invent._

_Suddenly there was a flicker of a reflection as a seemingly mobile metal arm dashed towards the man and suddenly the man was in a bloody heap on the dirt about a few distance away. Shuri’s heart tugs at the cavity of her soul as she finds the man with the metal arm was indeed… Bucky._

_She sees the soldier retreat into the darkness as she took a step forward in his direction, but he returned later with what looked like a blanket. He offered the blanket to the bare woman on the floor and disappeared out of sight._

_Shuri closes her eyes and bends over to her knees as rumbles of cries quaked her lithe body, shaking as she lamented, that whatever unkindness Bucky may have been put through, the wounded soldier still possessed a human element… kindness. A vessel that wasn’t deserving of the mistreatment and atrocity he endured._

That was what made her believe. That was what made her have faith in the once broken white boy. Whatever words she tried to confess, ended short in her throat at the heat of his gaze on her lips. She can try to tell him why she left later. She can try to tell him of her adventures in America later. She can try to tell him of all the inventions she’s created, later. She can do everything else with him later. For now, she just wants to feel. For the first time, she allows herself to feel.

 

“Please believe me!” she pleads with Bast above and hope settles like a weight on her shoulder as she begs. At this point she couldn’t control her own tears. She could care less if anyone interrupts in that moment and sees her in such a weakened state. Though the part of her brain that was still functioning as such begs that no one would.

 

 

 

_…It can’t be wrong if it feels right…_

 

 

 

“Shuri…” he pauses hesitantly, “Can I kiss you?”

 

Her body shivers at the gentleman before her and for once she believes that chivalry still exists in the form of a man named James Buchanan Barnes. So she nods her head with a smile plastered on her face, despite the dried tracks of tears along her smile lines and says,

“You can kiss me! Whenever, however you li-“

 

He presses his lips to her soft ones and almost gets drunk on the taste of her lips. His lids flutter at the barest touch of her skin against his and finally, for the first time, Bucky allows himself the freedom of feeling. Bucky… for the first time, opens himself to someone just as kind as her… Himself.

 

 

Never again will he deny his capacity to feel.

 

Never again will he deny himself of love.

 

 

 

_…Baby it’s not a bad thing to fall in love…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, kudos/comments and constructive criticism is appreciated!

**Author's Note:**

> For the first time in a long time.... I decide to write. Constructive criticism is highly appreciated. I just wanted to get this trope off my chest.


End file.
